MOM - Manager of Miracles
I stole this from facebook:
A Manager of Miracles (or MOM for short). I train people for life. I teach them morals and right from wrong. I make sure that they get the proper education that will help them to one day have the ability to rule the world if necessary. I also teach them the small things that go along with good civilization such as good hygiene and manners.
The training process takes a lot of patience and requires me to hold a number of different job titles; a nurse, a referee I restore peace,
Sometimes as a MOM, I must be a psychologist. I have to delve into the problems of my children and find the root causes for their behavior and help them change it.
I'm a teacher 24/7. My children are constantly learning from me whether I'm trying to teach them or not. This requires me to be very careful about everything that I do and say, for they learn the bad as well as the good.
Another one of my jobs (and one that I'm really good at) is that of an attorney. I'm a chauffeur, a maid, a cook, and....
I am CEO of a family-run operation. I manage, direct, and delegate the daily ins and outs of this organization. I keep the calendar of events current and do all the planning for future output and events. It is my job to keep everyone aware of the tasks at hand and also to prioritize, delegate, and reschedule those tasks as needed. I keep track of all contacts associated with this operation and maintain proper correspondence with those individuals or groups.
Financial Duties: To develop with my partner, a workable budget broken down by month for the current year, and to record a list of expenses daily to maintain it. To establish weekly meetings with my partner to discuss the budget, and other pending financial decisions. At this meeting, we will also respond to bills and other financial obligations that have been brought to our attention. Once a month, we will discuss current and future financial goals for our operation and make adjustments to these goals as needed.
Scheduling Tasks: To develop a current calendar of events that covers all individuals in the operation and to keep it in a central location for everyone to maintain as needed. To schedule weekly meetings in which all members of the organization can meet for one half-hour to discuss any schedule changes or concerns within the organization. During this meeting, a mission statement will be reviewed and adaptations rendered as needed to further the success of the operation.
Organization Maintenance: To develop a routine plan for basic maintenance tasks necessary to keep up effective productivity of the operation. To delegate tasks to members based on skill level and appropriateness.
JOB DESCRIPTION :
Long term, team players needed, for challenging, permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities! Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES :
The rest of your life Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :
None. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION :
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS :
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.
AND A FOOTNOTE THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!!
I like this advice - "The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother" - Theodore M. Hesburgh