My mom Jannet Lane
My mom was born in Listowel on January 7, 1960, she lived in many different places in Canada, but she always returned back to the Southwestern Ontario community that she loved and held dear, and raised all three of her children in Listowel. She was an introvert but if you were in her circle you may not have realized. She held her family very close to her heart as that was her comfort space. She was fiercely loyal and would give the shirt off her back.
While my mom faced many health challenges throughout her life, she trusted in God to give her the strength to continue on. Her deep faith and love in Jesus was a constant source of comfort to her and she was always ready and willing to provide support and love to others. She was a young mom to myself, my sister and brother and when we became young adults it seemed she had a yearning to find meaning in her life as well. These were some of the most challenging years for me, but over time we came to find a space that made sense for us despite not totally understanding each other's points of view.
There were some extremely emotional days as we tried to figure out how to make our relationship work, but we both worked at it. I am happy to say that in the end, we were texting and phoning each other regularly with just the right amount of space to keep us both sane and happy with our connection. It worked for us. My kids would always know that when my mom was on the phone it was likely to be a three hour conversation. My mom liked to talk about politics, religion, the British royals, and so much more.
My mom passed away peacefully at her home in Brussels on Sunday, December 4, 2022, in her 63rd year. She had told each of us separately that full instructions for her funeral could be found in the front of her Bible. Well, the day she died, we all came together and after talking at the funeral home, we went directly to her home to find these instructions. We looked high and low and after going through about 8 Bibles, we did not find it. We went through so many boxes, but still no luck. We were so exhausted from the day so by about 2am we decided we needed sleep and we would try again the next day to see if we could find these instructions. The next day was spent tirelessly looking, and after many hours we decided that maybe it just wasn't going to be found. So while sorting through the last box before leaving, my sister found it. A letter addressed to her three children with full details. Not just instructions but a letter with her wishes. She wanted a small private ceremony with only her immediate family, she wanted 6 people to see her, the rest could see a closed casket, and she specifically noted that she wanted a photo on top of the casket. She listed the songs she wanted to play. 1. The Hymn: Just a closer walk with thee, 2. How great thou art by Elvis Prestly, and 3. Tears of a clown by Smokey Robinson. We also found in the Bible that we all remembered from our childhood written in the front that she wanted to include the song Tracks of my tears by Smokey Robinson. After further conversation we decided to also play One Friend by Dan Seals requested by her sister and it was a lovely addition.
She had Bible verses picked out: Romans 12 - 1:8 and 2 Timothy Chapter 4 verses 6, 7 and 8.
She wanted the pastor from the Listowel Penticostal Church to officiate. We called and Pastor Doug Baker handled officiating the ceremony beautifully. He incorporated her noted Bible verses and described her life so well connecting to the eulogy that she wrote herself. She requested that one of her children read it, and somehow I found the strength for that. I remember adding a few of my own notes at the beginning and then using all my strength to get through what I think was her well thought out emotional last letter to us. The last few days were hard. Really hard.
We picked a theme of purpose, and her journey in Christ for the service.
We spent hours talking about mom and made notes about how much she loved Jesus, so much so that she was prepared to go as a little girl. My mom's childhood name from her mom was Princess. She took her role as the oldest child very seriously mothering her sisters before she had her own children and became a very young mom. She loved being a caretaker. My aunt Nancy said as a teen she was in love, falling in love, falling out of love and falling back in love again. She raised three very independent children despite her wanting them to live with her forever. She never turned anyone away that came to her with a need. She had such determination when she really wanted something, especially when she wanted something for her children. She never wanted them to miss out on anything. She was known for her banana cure muffins. All of my cousins would come to get banana muffins when they were sick. My mom loved Christmas and gathering with her family made her so happy. She loved to dance. She was so happy to dance at her 50th birthday with Hadley. She also loved Bible study. She found such strength when she opened her Bible. I remember regularly going to Smiths restaurant and her ordering french fries and gravy with a coffee that had probably 7 sugars in it. She loved coffee and catching up with her family and closest friends. The smell of cigarettes will instantly connect me to her.
I can't quite explain it but our family connection with her sister's families was like no other. We did EVERYTHING together in my childhood from Halloween, birthdays, school recitals, you name it. Everything!
I remember my mom made really good spaghetti and potato salad.
My mom was the oldest of three girls. She was not able to connect physically or mentally all the time with her grandchildren but she put her best effort forward and was such a proud grandma. She loved that she had the grandma title.
For years we wondered how my mom had gone through all the things she had gone through. Physical and mental illness were heavy. However, sometimes the humour of it all would shine through and she would say things like: I know a little suffering is good for the soul but someone is trying to make a saint out of me.
We spent many hours going through photos and talking about memories. My mom has been quite frail for a while and she didn't like photos of herself but we managed to find some really lovely photos that helped us to also paint a good picture of who she was over the years rather than reflecting on the sickness she had endured. These were put together with music and can be seen on the Eaton Funeral Website: https://www.eatonfuneralhome.ca/memorials/jannet-lane/5087733/index.php.
She looked so good on the day of her funeral. She also looked at peace. That helped.
I was thankful that I did my Christmas shopping for her early. Normally I wait until the last minute to ship things to her house but this year I did it early. There was a Christmas ornament with all her grandkids names on it that I told her to open early to enjoy for the entire month of December and then I had another package that I told her to wait until Christmas for.
Of course she didn't... I am thankful, but this is why I normally wait to get her gifts until right before I want her to open them, she can't wait. She peaked. But I am so glad. I got her a blanket with all her kids names and their spouses on it with all the grandkids names on it as well. We tucked her in one last time with this blanket.
Paul Bearers were Pat's three boys and my uncle Kent who has been such a strength to her over the years helping her with things around the house, helping her to buy a new car, taking her to the hospital with my aunt amongst so many other things.
After the ceremony there was the Interment in Fairview Cemetery, Listowel. We all placed roses on the casket. She requested donations be made to heart and stroke.
Her husband Pat Lane has been so caring for her over the last few years as her health declined. He did so many of the things alongside the personal support workers that were set up to help her to stay in her home as long as possible. I am thankful for him being there for the last leg of her journey.
It has been exactly a week and I have already thought of so many things I wish I could have shared with her. We did our absolute best to put her last wishes in place. I miss her. This is hard. I am sad and tired. This is hard.